For those that don't know, for months ago, I gave away or sold everything I owned, save a bit of art or heirlooms that my BFF is so graciously storing and packed only what would fit in a rental car and moved cross country.
A month before I left I woke from a dream with the phrase “For such a time as this,” running in my head. I was drawn to the story of Esther and to the book of Proverbs. I knew that wisdom, above all else, would be my greatest need with my move. It was not going to be easy from a financial, physical or mental standpoint; but I had that same word God had given to Esther – you are being called to a different place “for such a time as this.”
What was this time? What was about to happen? What was I going to be doing? What was I going to endure to be a part of this “plan”? What was this plan? Did I have the strength and wisdom to do this? What did I know for sure?
I was not ready to do this alone, but alone was part of the need. I had to leave behind all the physical signs of personal comfort and self-delusions of security and go. I would be surrounded by deceit so deeply entrenched that I suspected I do not know its depths. Would I recognize it beyond the obvious? Would I have the grace and wisdom to combat it and be the voice of truth? Did I have the emotional tenacity and strength to stand against the bashing waves of deceit and manipulation? Did I really trust God that, WOW, HE had to have this under control because I was not going to have any control except over my own reactions to people and circumstance. I also suspected that those were not going to be as easy to deal with as one might hope. But, I had been told - “Its for such a time as this.” What did that mean?
So I read Proverbs – over and over and over again? I investigated my options for local support and I prayed, even fasted, as I felt led.
Then I got tired. I got distracted. I lost my focus. With that loss of focus, the depression returned. That’s when I realized. I had forgotten my word.
So when you need to be inspired – you go back to those things that inspire you. A Movie, a book, a video, a song, a magazine, a store, a person – you know what gets you motivated to clean or redecorate or bake or whatever – your inspiration. Esther was that story for me. I had felt before like I needed to dig into the book and such the marrow out of the bones, but procrastination reared its ugly head – and I lost focus. So I’m going back. Its late and now there is a delay in my growth and it feels harder than it was before, but this is where I was told to go last, so I am going back to that spot, hoping it’s not too late, till God points me or calls me elsewhere.
A month before I left I woke from a dream with the phrase “For such a time as this,” running in my head. I was drawn to the story of Esther and to the book of Proverbs. I knew that wisdom, above all else, would be my greatest need with my move. It was not going to be easy from a financial, physical or mental standpoint; but I had that same word God had given to Esther – you are being called to a different place “for such a time as this.”
What was this time? What was about to happen? What was I going to be doing? What was I going to endure to be a part of this “plan”? What was this plan? Did I have the strength and wisdom to do this? What did I know for sure?
I was not ready to do this alone, but alone was part of the need. I had to leave behind all the physical signs of personal comfort and self-delusions of security and go. I would be surrounded by deceit so deeply entrenched that I suspected I do not know its depths. Would I recognize it beyond the obvious? Would I have the grace and wisdom to combat it and be the voice of truth? Did I have the emotional tenacity and strength to stand against the bashing waves of deceit and manipulation? Did I really trust God that, WOW, HE had to have this under control because I was not going to have any control except over my own reactions to people and circumstance. I also suspected that those were not going to be as easy to deal with as one might hope. But, I had been told - “Its for such a time as this.” What did that mean?
So I read Proverbs – over and over and over again? I investigated my options for local support and I prayed, even fasted, as I felt led.
Then I got tired. I got distracted. I lost my focus. With that loss of focus, the depression returned. That’s when I realized. I had forgotten my word.
So when you need to be inspired – you go back to those things that inspire you. A Movie, a book, a video, a song, a magazine, a store, a person – you know what gets you motivated to clean or redecorate or bake or whatever – your inspiration. Esther was that story for me. I had felt before like I needed to dig into the book and such the marrow out of the bones, but procrastination reared its ugly head – and I lost focus. So I’m going back. Its late and now there is a delay in my growth and it feels harder than it was before, but this is where I was told to go last, so I am going back to that spot, hoping it’s not too late, till God points me or calls me elsewhere.
