Captivating: re-Introductin

Many moons ago. I started to go through this journey with God, to unbury, unwrap, reveal and revel in the person He created me to be. At the encouragement of my friend Teresa, I joined her online study group. Here is the first post.  In case you want to go back and read it or get info on the book. However, I allowed other things to redirect my time and in the end, left the shovel right next to the hole I'd dug.


Now 6 months later, I go back to pick up the shovel and resume the hunt for the beautiful, captivating feminine woman within this woman. So I am starting at the beginning again.


So I ask with welling tears and invite you to do the same -
 God, meet me in the deep places of my heart and bring me hope, courage, healing and the delights of intimacy that I long for. You know who I am.  and the desires of my heart I don't even have the courage to admit to myself. You put them there. Wrap me in Your safety  and help me to rest there as we uncover the woman You created.

Tears make it word worthy.

To be scandalous, notable, enviable, admirable, lovable, lustworthy. This is my desire. I am supposed to say intelligent, strong, maybe even stoop so low as to say beautiful; but really aren't those things encompassed in my wish list already. As a woman I should never say any of that of course. We are supposed to be mysteriously powerful and accomplished. Today, though, I have begun reading a book that states what I really want unapologetically, to be captivating.

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul  by John and Stasi Eldredge was recommended a friend. According to the back cover the message is this:

"Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a  little girls and the longings you still feel as a woman - they are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."

 Often these books just don't seem to apply to me or make me roll roll my eyes  at their super-spiritualness. However, I agreed half-hearted to join the study group because if not then I'm obviously a backslidden heathen and went to my local used bookstore  and got a copy.

Since the first chapter is due on Saturday, I sat down to do my assigned reading. About 20 pages of light reading. Really it wasn't that difficult as reading goes. Just as I expected by page the beginning of page 10 I was underwhelmed. I'm not married, I don't have children and I'm not overtaxed by balancing family, church and work as the supposed wannabe supermoms are. Sure, if you are one of those types, you are thinking I'm crazy, but its where I'm not.

However, near the bottom of the page where the discussion was on enjoying being single but wanting to be romanced by a man, one simple phrase caught my eye. "I don't want to hang my life on it, but I yearn for it." The tears began to fall. Its true, my life will not end if I remain single, but I still want someone to want me. 

 We are relational. We must discuss what we feel or experience. We want to experience with others. We want to be a part of that great adventure, particularly if the hero needs our help. And more than anything, we want to be seen as beautiful. You know, the one who no matter her age has a luminosity that draws others or at least their envy.
 

So do I have it in me? According to this book, I do. Whether I actually do and will just learn to revel in its reveal or that little something comes with the great confidence I am supposed to gain from reading, I cannot say. However. I will read on. Hopefully you will be captivated by me too.